EQ in the Moment – THE PRACTICE

Finding Peace in Your Relationships

SITUATION: You find yourself triggered by this one individual. No matter what he says or does, you can find fault in him.

We’ve all been there. In fact, right now I’m guessing you have someone very clearly in mind. Thinking about this individual, go ahead, I give you permission, name the three most judgmental beliefs you hold about that person. Now let’s apply some emotional intelligence to this situation.

Apply Emotional Intelligence

1

Turn Inward

How are these beliefs impacting your feelings and reactions to this person?

What thoughts play over in your mind when you are interacting with this person?

How might your emotions and reactions be different without these beliefs?

As you turn inward, you are giving yourself a closer look at what is actually happening.

2

Consider Your Options

Next, consider these questions.

Are your beliefs about this person 100% true?

Even if your beliefs are 90% true, what do you see in that other 10%?

How could you transform your thoughts about this person to be more productive?

How would these new thoughts change the way you feel?

3

Align Your Actions With What Matters Most

How can you seek to understand this individual? What else is going on that is impacting this person’s choices?

What is the value in finding peace in this relationship?

What is one step that you can take in that direction?

Finding Calm in a Huge Pile of Stress

SITUATION: You are feeling stress, overwhelm, and/or completely out of control of what is happening around you.

Josh Freedman, Six Seconds CEO, describes stress as shorthand for a sense of imbalance and impending chaos. On it’s own, that might be manageable, but unfortunately, stress often occurs in a spiral that appears to have no end point.

Apply Emotional Intelligence

1

Turn Inward

Turn inward to recognize emotional triggers that create stress. Name the feelings you are experiencing right now in the midst of stress. Neuroscience teaches us that naming our feelings helps the wave of emotion to simmer down.

Notice the chatter going on in your head. Pay attention to what is true, what is a self-limiting thought, and what is a false belief. Consider how these thoughts are contributing to your current stress.

What patterns are you noticing? When I feel or think ___________, my stress increases.

2

Consider Your Options

Choose to stop the stress cycle.

Consider the choices and options you have right now in the moment to create better balance and navigate through the stress. Move away from blame and consider what you can do to make the situation less stressful.

What thoughts need to change? How would that impact how you are feeling right now?

Choose to take intentional actions that break your attention on the stress. Take a walk, engage in a fun activity, connect with someone, get a drink of water, focus on your breathing, etc.

Look for ways to change your perspective. What’s important right now? What are you not seeing? How might someone else see this situation?

Be practical. How does the stress change if you look at one day at a time? How can you break things up into bite-sized chunks?

3

Align Your Actions With What Matters Most

Consider why this situation is stressful. What really matters in this moment? If you were to respond to this stress in a way that aligns to what’s most important, what would you do?

How can you connect with others through this? Who else may be feeling the stress too?

How will you successfully respond (vs. react) to the stress.

In the Midst of Worry

SITUATION: Your thoughts are running ahead of you, caught up in the unknowns creating a story of worrisome possibilities.

Worry – when it is not consuming your every waking moment – can be a normal part of being human.

In fact, your brain is wired to generate possible future scenarios as a way of protecting you from possible events. But, while worry can be helpful, it can also become self-sabotaging, distract from being present in the moment, and take away your joy.

In the midst of worry, try these steps to redirect your focus.

Apply Emotional Intelligence

1

Turn Inward

Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.

As you notice each thought, feeling, and sensation, label it. “I am feeling panicky. I am feeling petrified. My body is shaking. My gut is in knots. My thoughts are coming up with the worst possible scenario.”

Consider the value in the feeling of worry. What is the feeling telling you? What is most important right now?

When you are able to acknowledge what is happening inside, you are actually reducing the intensity and frequency of the thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensation. It’s almost like lifting the lid off of a pot of boiling water.

2

Consider Your Options

Often times, worry comes from feeling out of control, or uncertain.

What assumption is fueling your worry? If you could let go of this assumption, what do you want to put in its place?

What are some other ways to see the situation?

What is the best case scenario?

What can you control in this situation?

3

Align Your Actions With What Matters Most

In this moment, what is most important to you right now?

How can find support from others in the midst of your worry?

What step can you take right now to move towards your best case scenario?

Reacting Under Pressure

SITUATION: You have finally reach the boiling point and you are officially feeling emotionally charged. We’ve all been there. So let’s try to use emotional intelligence to get to a good outcome.

Start by turning inward

Thoughts

Feelings

Action

Thoughts

Breathe. Pay attention to all the thoughts running through your head. Say them out loud, or write them down.

Feelings

Name how you are feeling right now. Push yourself to go beyond happy, sad, excited, and scared. Name the feelings out loud, “I am feeling….”

Action

Recognize what will likely happen if you act on these thoughts and feelings.

Now let's redirect

What do you want to have happen? Why is this important? Who and what will it impact?
See things from all perspectives. What options do you have? What option will help you get closest to your desired outcome?
What thoughts and feelings will help you connect with others and attain the desired outcome?

Reflect on what just happened. What are you learning about your emotions by turning inward?

What if anything was challenging about redirecting?

What do you want to be able to repeat going forward?

Plan to share this technique and your experience with someone.